I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
