Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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