He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
