Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
