im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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