there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
