haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
