i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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