You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
