i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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