I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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