ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I will pee on everything he values.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
