I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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