The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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