no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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