Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
