I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
