Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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