Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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