Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
