Pappa wants mamma naked
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
