Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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