she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
