This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
