Christians are straight up FREAKS
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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