I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
