Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
