your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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