my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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