Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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