Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
