Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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