If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
