we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
