u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
