Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
