She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
