You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize