great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
