So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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