Where did you get a picture of my penis
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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