so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
