The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
