tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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