so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
