there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
