I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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