I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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