saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize