why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
