I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
