matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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