Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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