Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
