how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
