I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
