so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
high people should be assigned attendants
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
