my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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