If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
