New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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