I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
