She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
