Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
