New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
