I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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