At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
