I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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