Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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