and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
