My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
