I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
