He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
