plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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