I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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