Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need water and some morals
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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