Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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