I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
