her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This baby is an asshole
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
