News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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