Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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