pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
